Flag Review: ‘Bandeira do Brasil’

I haven’t written a proper blog for a while (four months to be exact) mostly because I’ve been busy with work and such, but truly because I couldn’t think of anything original to write … until now.

Drumroll…welcome readers to the ‘Inaugural Renegade Flag Review!’

Seriously, who reviews a flag? I dunno…”Who throws a shoe?”

Random Tasks both, so here goes:

If the Brazilian Flag were a beauty queen, it would be Miss Universe because it has the universe draped in a sash, tucked inside a flag.

But this is Brazil and in Brazil you must use Portuguese, so let’s call her “Miss Universo Paralello,” which is really the name of a wild music festival. I’ve never watched the Miss Universe pageant, but I have been to Universo Paralello and walked down many a beach in Brazil, and can assure you they beat any beauty pageant.

The official title of the flag is “Bandeira do Brasil,” which is a feminine noun, thus the “a” on bandeira, and my ‘Miss’-appropriations.

According to wikipedia, the flag was officially adopted following the ‘Proclamation of the Republic’ in 1889 to replace the flag of the Portuguese Empire of Brazil — which was also pretty baller-looking. 

In the new flag, a celestial globe with white, five-pointed stars replaced the arms of the Empire of Brazil — its position in the flag reflects the sky over the city of Rio de Janeiro on 15 November 1889. The motto Ordem e Progresso is derived from French Philosopher Auguste Comte’s motto of positivism: “Love as a principle and order as the basis; progress as the goal.”)

— from Wikipedia, “Flag of Brazil”

That’s all important history … but wait, I just googled, “Brazilian Miss Universe Winners,” and there are none. Meanwhile, the United States has the most of any country?!? — DOES THE CONSPIRACY NEVER SLEEP??? I DEMAND A SPECIAL COUNSEL INVESTIGATION!!!

According to WorldAtlas.com, Brazil is the largest country in the southern hemisphere, and while it’s size is 500,000 square miles smaller than the total area of the U.S.; after you take out Alaska, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, etc., Brazil is actually 300,000 square miles larger than the contiguous United States.

Wait, what’s the point of this blog? Why so many pictures from Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery? Wasn’t I supposed to be reviewing the Brazilian Flag and how do I even complete this task, ranking unusual flags?

Okay, according to PicVisa.com’s list of ‘Most Unusual Flags’, the Flag of Mozambique has an AK-47 on it, which is certainly unusual, but I’m more of a lover than a fighter.

And there is a lovely beach in my current location of Florianopolis, Brazil called “Moçambique” which has amazing sand-dunes, and no AK-47s to contend with to my knowledge.

The Kingdom of Bhutan’s Flag has a white dragon named “Druk”, which is also known as the Thunder Dragon, which is pretty interesting, I guess. But mostly it looks like an unfinished tattoo, or a banner from some Chinese Game of Thrones knockoff.

As you know from the last page of emojis, most other countries have boring tricolor type flags. But no three colors as nice as Brazil’s deep green, blue and yellow. So, after my extensive PhD-caliber research, I’m going to go ahead and rank the “Bandeira do Brasil” as ‘WINNER of the ‘Inaugural Renegade Flag Review!’

I like to think that the Bandeira’s celestial globe depicts the early universal energy burst of stardust flung billions of miles across our galaxy, reforming amidst the flag’s green backdrop of the Amazon jungle, thus spawning terrestrial life as we know it; in the spiritual, primordial, Pantheist sense.

So thank you for reading this blog to its ridiculous culmination, and here’s a picture from Rio’s Carnival as your reward.

Now please excuse me while I google: “Tickets to Carnival.”

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